So let's revisit my friend Samantha and her (new) boyfriend Garrett. They have just made it official, but is it too soon? Only time will tell, of course, but unfortunately I have reason to believe that it may be. You may be asking yourself, how could this happen? Aren't the first few weeks/months/years in a relationship the best and most exciting? This must be true because Samantha and Garrett have been seeing each other and texting nonstop! This could be a good thing because that means they have a lot to talk about, but it seems to be having the opposite affect with Samantha.
She's getting really tired of Garrett constantly texting her. She feels like she doesn't have anytime to herself, and she's basically right. From the time she wakes up to long after she falls asleep her phone vibrates like crazy with texts only from Garrett. So what should she do? If she lets him continue on in this same fashion until he gets bored, she'll end up resentful and irritated and they may run out of things to talk about. Luckily, she decided to take some good advice (like the advise located on this blog) and just talk to Garrett openly. She invited him over and explained to him that while she really liked him and the attention he was giving her, she felt a little smothered and didn't need as many texts to let her know that he was thinking about her. Much to her relief, Garrett appreciated this information because his last girlfriend had been a crazy freak and silently demanded endless texts and also because he had broken his thumb playing church basketball. The story ended well for both of them and their relationship is progressing affectively due to partaking in sound advice!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
DateWatch: A lack of communication
This past week I happened to see what happens to a relationship when there is a lack of communication. My roommate (we'll call her Samantha) has been seeing this guy (we'll call him Garrett) for a few months now. A few days ago, they were hanging out in our living room and I "accidentally" overheard a conversation that went something like this...Garrett: "Samantha, you know I like you right?" Samantha: "Yeah, I like you too, Garrett." Garrett: "Ok, cool. Well I have to go now. My roommates are bringing over these girls that they met at the library. See you later."
Needless to say, Samantha was extremely confused. He said that he liked her, and then went out to hang with other girls? I asked her if she and he had DTR (DefinedTheRelationship) yet. She said no, that they didn't really talk about things like that. I told her that the only solution was to talk to him and find out how he was feeling. Samantha was too hurt and angry that he was seeing other girls and refused to text Garrett back, even though he texted her constantly. This left Garrett feeling hurt and confused (I know because I talked to him one day in the Wilk) because he didn't know what he had done wrong.
Later that night, he showed up unexpectedly at our apartment. After scrambling around for a half an hour like a hamster on speed to "get ready" enough so that he could actually see her, Samantha and Garrett had a long conversation and told each other how they were feeling. Samantha expressed her hurt and indignation at him seeing other girls and Garrett told her that he was upset and confused because she stopped talking to him. In the end, he asked her to be his girlfriend and (perhaps prematurely) are anticipating happily ever after.
Moral of the story: If you have been in a situation similar to this, don't try to punish someone because they have hurt you; talk it out and see what the whole story is. And if you're being left out in the cold (obviously on purpose) show up unexpectedly at the person's apartment so you can talk things over...but don't be surprised if you have to wait patiently for awhile. Basically, communication is a key element to happiness in relationships. The end!
Needless to say, Samantha was extremely confused. He said that he liked her, and then went out to hang with other girls? I asked her if she and he had DTR (DefinedTheRelationship) yet. She said no, that they didn't really talk about things like that. I told her that the only solution was to talk to him and find out how he was feeling. Samantha was too hurt and angry that he was seeing other girls and refused to text Garrett back, even though he texted her constantly. This left Garrett feeling hurt and confused (I know because I talked to him one day in the Wilk) because he didn't know what he had done wrong.
Later that night, he showed up unexpectedly at our apartment. After scrambling around for a half an hour like a hamster on speed to "get ready" enough so that he could actually see her, Samantha and Garrett had a long conversation and told each other how they were feeling. Samantha expressed her hurt and indignation at him seeing other girls and Garrett told her that he was upset and confused because she stopped talking to him. In the end, he asked her to be his girlfriend and (perhaps prematurely) are anticipating happily ever after.
Moral of the story: If you have been in a situation similar to this, don't try to punish someone because they have hurt you; talk it out and see what the whole story is. And if you're being left out in the cold (obviously on purpose) show up unexpectedly at the person's apartment so you can talk things over...but don't be surprised if you have to wait patiently for awhile. Basically, communication is a key element to happiness in relationships. The end!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Date Watch Mission Caliente!
Im in Mexico over the break visiting some friends and we went to get some tacos and I saw a great example of date gone bad.
The couple was sitting at a small square table and they were seated at oposite ends facing each other. It was friday night and they were both well dressed. The restuarant was in front of the town square where there was alot of stuff going on and people walking around.
After getting there food they quickly ate it with little chatting and then sat in akward silence. At times one would say something but they would only talk for a minute and then fall into silence.
The spanish love birds needed some help. The big problem was communication you will never connect with someone if you dont know how to carry on a conversation. Dont ask yes or no questions, the conversation will surley die quickly. A good tactic would be to occasionaly pause during the meal to ask a question and listen and then while eating you can think of what to say next.
Que te vayas bien!
The couple was sitting at a small square table and they were seated at oposite ends facing each other. It was friday night and they were both well dressed. The restuarant was in front of the town square where there was alot of stuff going on and people walking around.
After getting there food they quickly ate it with little chatting and then sat in akward silence. At times one would say something but they would only talk for a minute and then fall into silence.
The spanish love birds needed some help. The big problem was communication you will never connect with someone if you dont know how to carry on a conversation. Dont ask yes or no questions, the conversation will surley die quickly. A good tactic would be to occasionaly pause during the meal to ask a question and listen and then while eating you can think of what to say next.
Que te vayas bien!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Texting Survey Results
To better understand the role of electronic communication in the dating world I've been hosting a little survey http://freeonlinesurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=uhwmnivrakr5dwg660510 to find out about people's texting habits. I've drawn some conclusions from these results in terms of the prevalence of texting and some of people's preferences. I was surprised to see that more people would rather be asked a question in a phone call than on a text even thou most people text every day. And while people generally feel that texting improves communication the majority of responses said they've gotten confused by what someone was trying to say in a text. Please respond to this post and let me know your conclusions!
The survey is still on! But here are the results for the first 350+ responses:
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Date Watch Mission Bravo
I was able to observe a couple on what must have been one of the first dates. This was aparent because they where both very conscious of space and contact. At one point she even jumped a little bit when he acitendly bumped her.
They where both watching the movie but very frequently turning to look at the other to see if they where laughing too, or to ask them what was probably some question like "did you get that joke."
For much of the movie the girl had her hand on her own leg (palm up) indacting that she was looking for some hand holdage. For whatever reason he didnt take the bait. Guys if a girl is constatly putting her hand inbetween you and her or on her leg she is probably wanting the hand hold. If her hand is face up its 100%.
At the end her offered her some gum, this often suggests that he is soon looking for a kiss. Although I doubt this young man knew it, she probably took it that way. Daters learn the signs and dont be like these 2, relax and be confident, your body language says everything
They where both watching the movie but very frequently turning to look at the other to see if they where laughing too, or to ask them what was probably some question like "did you get that joke."
For much of the movie the girl had her hand on her own leg (palm up) indacting that she was looking for some hand holdage. For whatever reason he didnt take the bait. Guys if a girl is constatly putting her hand inbetween you and her or on her leg she is probably wanting the hand hold. If her hand is face up its 100%.
At the end her offered her some gum, this often suggests that he is soon looking for a kiss. Although I doubt this young man knew it, she probably took it that way. Daters learn the signs and dont be like these 2, relax and be confident, your body language says everything
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Body Language
Body language often speaks louder then words. Here are a few things to
look for is someone is really into you
Body Language to tell if she is interested into you
- She touches her hair or face while you’re talking to her
- You catch her looking at you across the room
- If she is very bold, she will sit right next to you on an empty couch
- She will grab your arm to get your attention
- There may be the occasional brush of the hand or the good bye
hug after you are done hanging out or meeting each other for the first
time
- "In case you didn't go to high school, hitting's a good thing"
Will Smith in the movie Hitch
Body Language if he's into you
- He will not puff out his chest, That is silly
- He will dress to display a certain look or attitude
- He will touch your back as he passes you or moves by you in a
crowded room
- He will hug you good bye at the end of the night
- If he likes you, he becomes a real gentleman: Gentleman get
doors, walk women to the door, they are happy to refill drinks and
other gestures of kindness and help
- If a man likes you, he will walk with all the confidence he
can muster. When a man walks with confidence he, walks in a straight
line with his eyes fixed on you.
If you are having a hard time reading body language, then go for it.
Assume they like you. All you have to lose is a missed opportunity,
but if you give it a shot, you'll know what was being said, and you
will never miss an opportunity. Good Luck with the dating game.
look for is someone is really into you
Body Language to tell if she is interested into you
- She touches her hair or face while you’re talking to her
- You catch her looking at you across the room
- If she is very bold, she will sit right next to you on an empty couch
- She will grab your arm to get your attention
- There may be the occasional brush of the hand or the good bye
hug after you are done hanging out or meeting each other for the first
time
- "In case you didn't go to high school, hitting's a good thing"
Will Smith in the movie Hitch
Body Language if he's into you
- He will not puff out his chest, That is silly
- He will dress to display a certain look or attitude
- He will touch your back as he passes you or moves by you in a
crowded room
- He will hug you good bye at the end of the night
- If he likes you, he becomes a real gentleman: Gentleman get
doors, walk women to the door, they are happy to refill drinks and
other gestures of kindness and help
- If a man likes you, he will walk with all the confidence he
can muster. When a man walks with confidence he, walks in a straight
line with his eyes fixed on you.
If you are having a hard time reading body language, then go for it.
Assume they like you. All you have to lose is a missed opportunity,
but if you give it a shot, you'll know what was being said, and you
will never miss an opportunity. Good Luck with the dating game.
He Said. She Said.
{Okay kids, let's be honest, we read into things way too much. But when it comes to dating, all that over-analyzing is blown way out of proportion. Different actions mean different things to each of us and boys and girls interpret them in their own way. In this little segment of our blog, we're going to take those little things and break them down into the girl version and the boy version.}
Before you date there are always little hints or signs you leave to let the person you're interested in know you're interested in them.
Chit-Chat: I can't tell you how many times I've had conversations with friends after they've hung out with a boy they're interested in where we've practically broken down the entire conversation. Recently I had a friend who went over to the apartment of her current "crush" just to talk. They hung out for a while and had a good conversation. While recounting the experience, she would giggle and tell us that he would touch her arm while talking to her. When he sat on the couch, he sat next to her, sat close, and put his arm on her leg. FYI. For a girl, this is {kind of} a big deal. We read into/eat up that stuff. But then we have our little post-party breakdowns and over analyze to death! Actually, talking about it makes it sound kind of ridiculous. The way we take the slightest action/look/comment and turn it into something big.
But that's what makes this whole dating thing so exciting. This is the stage of the relationship where things are starting and you're both figuring out if you like each other and if you're willing to pursue something. This is like the "make it or break it" phase. So, if you think about it....the little things, aren't that little.
This week on "He Said. She Said" we're going to discuss the physical pre-dating "signs."
Chit-Chat: I can't tell you how many times I've had conversations with friends after they've hung out with a boy they're interested in where we've practically broken down the entire conversation. Recently I had a friend who went over to the apartment of her current "crush" just to talk. They hung out for a while and had a good conversation. While recounting the experience, she would giggle and tell us that he would touch her arm while talking to her. When he sat on the couch, he sat next to her, sat close, and put his arm on her leg. FYI. For a girl, this is {kind of} a big deal. We read into/eat up that stuff. But then we have our little post-party breakdowns and over analyze to death! Actually, talking about it makes it sound kind of ridiculous. The way we take the slightest action/look/comment and turn it into something big.
But that's what makes this whole dating thing so exciting. This is the stage of the relationship where things are starting and you're both figuring out if you like each other and if you're willing to pursue something. This is like the "make it or break it" phase. So, if you think about it....the little things, aren't that little.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)